Glad you were able to find my blog. That’s cool that your husbands a loadmaster. I just got done replying to a comment made my a dad who has a son coming to McChord as a crew chief…small world!

As far as whether my military training taught me to communicate my needs and wants I’d actually have to say that while it probably hasn’t hurt, I don’t think it did that much to help.

For me this type of communication did not come naturally. I was much more prone to keep my desires to myself for a long time. Pre-marital counseling was actually the place where I first was really forced to confront this idea of saying what you need. It took a while, but both my wife and I realized over time how key it was to a healthy marriage.

Thanks for the comment! Great to see other AF families on here.

We feel similarly that romance aside, you just need to communicate your needs and wants. Do you think this is something your military training taught you? I don’t think it’s very common in most people, but it’s been second nature with Gary. He’s taught me to “say what I need” – who knew it could be so simple?

It’s a good question and one that has come up many times in discussing this principle with both my own wife and other married couples. I guess the first answer is to be persistent, keep asking and keep reminding your spouse how much it means to you.

However, at some point the responsibility is on your spouse to respond to your needs. If he is not doing so after multiple requests, the natural question is why? Ask him why he is not responding to you. Since I don’t know your situation it wouldn’t be right for me to offer any specific advice, but if it becomes a significant enough issue you might consider marriage counseling.

That may seem a bit extreme, but it could be what is necessary to get down to the core issues. Whatever you do, don’t give up.

This might sound crass, but a lot depends on if he’s your boyfriend or your husband. If he’s your boyfriend and you’ve given it your best shot, end the relationship.

If he’s your husband then you have to fight. Fight? Yeah, the relationship is worth so much that you need to get to the bottom of the problem even if the process is tough and ugly. Seek some marriage counseling if you need to, nothing to be ashamed of. Find out what’s at the root of his failure to meet your needs. Apathy, ignorance, confusion? Each of these would require a different discussion.

Good luck Paige…if you think the relationship is worth it, fight it out.

Cameron

However, I think the non-verbal aspect of communication plays an even bigger role. As a couple gets closer and deeper into marriage, I bet the non-verbal cues get stronger, and the subtle hint becomes quite obvious. I’m already picking up on the little things.

I’ve been thinking quite a bit about the whole marriage thing lately, and I think it’s incredibly important to plan. However, you must know how to communicate before you can plan. I hope you continue to provide advice in this area.

I think this is lovely. I can’t stand guessing games, and my wife understands that as well. Great for you and your wife

Nobody can read your mind! Its really important to keep that in mind in love, with your family and even at work…