“Life’s about choices,” said a college professor of mine.  He taught finance and would impart to my classmates and me the importance of the decisions we all have as to how we use our money, time and resources.  It was his mantra and something that he passed on, not only to his students, but his children as well.

For instance, he recalled an experience when his 8-year-old daughter and him were going on a walk around the neighborhood.  He had told her to take her jacket because it was cold outside. “No, I don’t need it,” she proclaimed.  He explained to her that she would get cold if she didn’t have her jacket, yet she still insisted she didn’t need it.  “O.K.,” he said and they went on the walk.

A few blocks in she began grumbling about how cold it was and rubbing her arms.  What did my professor do?  Did he cut the walk off short?  Did he take off his jacket and lovingly place it around his daughter?  No, he made her walk the rest of the way home freezing her butt off.  “Life’s about choices,” he explained to his daughter.

60 years ago people reading this article would say of this example, “Well done, he taught his daughter a valuable lesson.”  But today, many reading this would cry, “Child Abuse!”  “It was the father’s fault for not making her take her jacket!”  “You can’t blame the daughter, she didn’t know, she can’t be held responsible!”

This is what’s wrong with our society.  We’ve become a people that hold everyone responsible, but ourselves.

Never before have I seen so much blame being placed on everyone, but the person in the mirror.  People waving angry fingers at big oil companies for high gas prices rather than blaming themselves for owning two S.U.V.’s and a boat.  They completely ignore the law of supply and demand expecting that somehow prices will remain stagnant as consumption drastically increases.

This is like writing an angry letter to Hostess snack foods complaining about your recent weight gain while shoving 30 Twinkies in your gullet.  Life’s about choices.

Or how about the debt-ridden homeowner’s shouting about the foul play of mortgage lenders who “deceived them” (code for I didn’t do my homework) and gave them their houses much too easily then DEMANDING government bail out for a house they had no business purchasing in the first place.  Since when is your poor financial planning and decision making the government’s problem.

As Justice Casey Percell said, “It is not the responsibility of the government or the legal system to protect a citizen from himself.“  You made a poor choice, take your lumps and move on.

Is the economy in a slump, yes.  But, who is really to blame?  “Most of our economic wounds are self-inflicted, stemming from our inability to live within our means,” says Knight Kiplinger, Editor in Chief of Kiplinger’s Personal Finance magazine.

Many Americans live in a house — and drive a car — that eats up too much of their monthly budget. They dine out when they could be eating at home, and they indulge their children with trendy clothes. They mistake wants for needs.

Now don’t get me wrong, I love America.  I believe in America and what it stands for.  This is why something needs to change – and instead of demanding it from everyone else it has to start with us.  Government bailout is not the answer, it will only prolong and maybe even exacerbate the problem.

As Herbert Spencer aptly spoke, “The ultimate result of shielding men from the effects of folly is to fill the world with fools.”

Punishing corporations for their profits is not the answer, this will only send the message that in America you can try to be successful, but if you are too successful we’ll start taking your money.  The answer lies in doing our homework and making the right choices.  After all, at the end of the day it’s about taking a coat when it looks like it’s chilly outside.  You can choose not to, it’s true, but don’t whine when you get cold.  Life’s about choices.

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The last post, Create a Personal Board of Directors Part I, focused on who you should place on your board. The emphasis was on diversity, relationship, shared values and leaders. This post will focus on what to do once you’ve created your board, emphasizing purpose and structure. You can bring together the most diverse group of talented, creative and wise people in the world, but if there is no clear purpose or system to organize them you will have nothing but a few interesting conversations. With a bit more thought and intentionality your board can be of incredible value to your life, providing council, accountability, encouragement and security.

As I have discussed this topic with various people who have boards of their own, or similar systems of oversight, I have come across some common threads that make them successful. But, the truth is you must come up with a system that makes the most sense for you. Things like how many times you meet, if you communicate by phone, e-mail, face-to-face, what areas to cover…all of these things will depend completely on your current circumstances and should be decided on by you and your board, most likely, through a bit of trial and error. The following points are simply starting points, thoughts that have come forward as I’ve created my own board and begun the process myself.

Goals – If the purpose of a personal board or council is to guide you in your life then they must understand where you want to go. Making a set of goals each year is a good way to communicate to your board where you would like them to focus their energies. My previous post on balance provides a great starting point for making annual goals, but the method is not as important as the result, giving your board a starting point to work from.

Once you have created your goals it is important that each member of your board knows and understands them. Equally important is continually reviewing them, assessing your progress and discussing areas of improvement. Some system of review should be at place on your board, whether it means reviewing your goals once a month, once a quarter, or again, whatever makes sense for your situation. The key is simply to update your board on your progress from time to time.

Accountability – Just as a CEO is accountable to the shareholders via the corporate board of directors, you too should give your personal board the charge of keeping you accountable, nothing is off limits. One of the greatest lies is that there is such a thing as a secret. Secrets are always exposed, light is always shown on darkness, if not now, soon enough. All you have to do is look at the news over the past few years to see how destructive a secret can be. Enron, WorldComm, steroids in baseball, doping at the Olympics, the fall of prominent church leaders, the list is endless.

It is only when we live as if there is no such thing as a secret that we can truly be free to live our best. One of the reasons for filling your board with people you have had past relationship with is to allow this practice of accountability to operate effectively. Living with no secrets does not mean that everyone you meet should know everything going on in your life, but choosing a few trusted friends and mentors to continually ask you the tough questions is a life practice that will keep you from going down many wrong roads. As part of your board structure, make sure there is someone who will always ask you the tough questions each time you meet or communicate.

Life Decisions and Coaching – One of the most obvious benefits of a personal board of directors is their ability to give you advice during major life decisions such as a career change, relocation, etc. There is wisdom in the presence of a strong group of advisers. If you choose your board wisely there is a good chance that someone on your board has already walked through the situation you are facing at any given time. Even if they have not experienced it personally, chances are that one of them will have a connection to someone that has. This form of social capital can be very beneficial when making your way through life, giving you a forum to filter your ideas and decisions.

Coaching is another aspect of having a personal board that can benefit one greatly. Having quality people around to coach you as you walk through life enables you to avoid unnecessary mistakes. Why pay the price yourself for a stupid choice when you can learn from someone who already has. Make it clear to your board that you value their experience and desire for them to share it with you, no holding back. Coaching is another reason why it is important to have leaders on your board. As I said before, leaders love making other leaders so coaching is a natural part of this and one that you should emphasize if your personal board will be of any impact.

Celebration – Up to this point there has been a lot of talk about principles, life skills, etc. These are all very valuable things, but by themselves can be somewhat lifeless. For me, one of the most important aspects of surrounding yourself with a close group of advisers and friends is that of celebration. Successes, victories and fun times are only as great as the people you have in your life to share them with. One of my dreams has always been to have the money to take a group of my close friends and mentors on a vacation every few years. They wouldn’t have to do anything, but show up, I would take care of the rest including airfare, accommodation, food and whatever we were doing for entertainment. This dream is so exciting because it represents, in my opinion, what is best about life, time spent in quality relationships with the people you love. Climbing a mountain is fun, climbing a mountain with a group of good friends is more fun.

I think that in order for a personal board of directors to really thrive there must be an aspect of celebration among all the members. When someone has a child, celebration. When someone gets a promotion, celebration. Aaron Stern, pastor of The Mill, a college group of around 1,400 at New Life Church, once said that true friendships are measured not by how much a person is there for you during the hard times, but how much they celebrate with you during the good times. True friends are genuinely happy when you succeed, no jealousy, no envy, just joy. This is rare, but it’s good and it’s what makes friendships worth fighting for….and what makes celebration a necessary part of any personal board of directors.

At the start of the first post on this subject I shared that all of this had come about as a result of a conversation with my friend Beau Suder. The conversation is ongoing, as it usually is with us, and he brought up an important point a few days ago. His concern was that as we build a personal board of directors, or as he calls it, advisory council (I think he’s sometimes suspicious of my love for business metaphors) we don’t view members through the lens of, “what can I get from you,” but rather with a heart to serve them as well. I couldn’t agree more.

There is no doubt that when we are young we have less to offer in the way of experience, skills, etc. thus the need for a board in the first place, but it doesn’t mean we should view our relationship with members as a one-way street with us at the receiving end of all the benefits. Find ways to take care of your board in whatever ways you can. Don’t make it hard for them to coach and guide you. AND, understand that one day, when you have gained experience, knowledge and understanding you may be asked to mentor or advise in some capacity…do it!

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Recently, my friend Beau Suder and I were discussing the need for accountability in life. Personal accountability is a funny term because it is so often tied to the process of coping with some sort of shameful addiction. It is true that this is often the case…and it has its place, but accountability is much more than just a way to defeat a struggle with some sin issue. The truth is if we want to live well, we all need accountability; people in our lives to help us reach our goals, discuss decisions with, keep us from making wrong turns and shine light on our blind spots. This sort of accountability was readily available to Beau and I during college as many of our closest friends were literally, “just down the hall.”

Since then, both of us have graduated and found ourselves in the “real world,” discovering quickly that one must be more intentional in building accountability into his life with most friends being scattered across the globe and not nearly as accessible. Beau brought up the idea his uncle had shared with him of a personal advisory council consisting of a handful of his closest friends, mentors and associates, people he would discuss major life decisions with, share goals and struggles with, etc. We agreed that this was one of the best solutions we had heard and decided to go about creating our own. I chose to call mine a board of directors being the business junkie that I am.

Following that conversation I discussed the idea with some people I highly respect, learning that many of them also have a system like this at work in their lives. This shouldn’t come as a surprise, anything successful in life from a business to a military unit has some sort of human oversight to keep the leadership in check and moving in the right direction. The question then becomes how does one take the structure and benefits of a traditional board of directors and tweak it for personal use? This is what the following couple of posts will be about, looking first at how to go about choosing who should be on your board, followed by defining the purpose and structure of such a board.

Choosing the Right People

Diversity – One of the most important factors in creating your personal board of directors is choosing a diverse group of people. Just as a corporation is strategic in choosing board members with various areas of expertise, one should avoid filling their council with the same type of person or a bunch of yes men. Richard Leider, in an article for Fast Company several years ago, outlined various types of people you should make sure to include on a personal board of directors. These included: “…a clarifier who asks clear questions, a connector who leads you to other people, a challenger who helps you act boldly, and a wise elder or sage” (Feb 2000).

By intentionally placing people from various backgrounds, experiences, personalities and skills on your board you will be sure to get the most complete and well-balanced counsel. When asked about diversity in a board of directors, my father-in-law, CEO of a large non-profit organization operating in Africa, explained, “By having a diverse group of individuals on your board the creativity brought to the table instantly increases as issues and ideas are debated from a wide variety of angles.”

Relationship – It is important that you have a relationship with each member of your board since the most intimate details of your life will be the subject of constant scrutiny. I am not advocating a board entirely made up of your best friends (low diversity), but unlike a corporate board who may not have any contact with the CEO outside of its periodic meetings, a fair amount of trust must exist between you and your members to make the process effective. Also, you need people who are not afraid to confront you and ask the tough questions. It is my experience that strangers, or even people with a weak tie, are very rarely willing to do this.

Shared Values – While I stress diversity as a necessary element of any successful board, there must also be an underlying consensus on major values and world view. For example, it does you no good to ask the help or advice of someone on the subject of prayer if they do not believe in God or the importance of prayer in the first place, it will simply be a waste of time for everyone involved. A common value system must be shared between you and your board if you intend for them to guide your life in a specific direction. Much of this should be resolved by simply following the previous requirement of relationship…you should know potential board members well enough to know if you share the same fundamental beliefs on issues like faith, family, work and money.

Leaders – After much thought on the types of people I will always want on my board I realized they all share a common identity: leaders. The fact is, I want to be a leader so it does me no good to surround myself with a board of followers. By picking leaders in various fields, careers, etc. you ensure that you will have a proactive board constantly pushing you towards excellence and more willing to challenge you than the average person. Leaders love making other leaders, its a natural process and one that should be tapped into if you are going to create a powerful and effective board of directors.

The best life is found in the midst of strong, organic relationships. The kind that go beyond kind words and a few laughs. Proverbs 15:22 states, “Plans fail for lack of counsel, but with many advisers they succeed.” (NIV) Creating a personal board of directors is about placing a system of counsel and accountability in one’s life, an important step in helping one reach their full potential and avoid many pitfalls along the way. Do you already have a system like this in place? If so, tell us about it. Next time, we’ll talk about defining the purpose and structure of your personal board of directors.

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