A few days ago I asked readers to ask me any questions they would like and I got a great response.  Seriously, the questions you guys think of are incredible and really caused me to think.  The following are the questions and my answers to each.

Joe Day asks:  “How do you juggle being a follower of Christ in the armed services? What are the potential pitfalls and how do you navigate them? How do your fellow servicemen view your faith? Why is Ron Burgundy your biggest hero?”

Answer: It’s actually not as big of a juggling act as one might think.  The core values of the Air Force: integrity first, service before self, excellence in all we do are the very same values that shape my life as a Christian.  The sacrificial part of the military, the idea that I would willingly lay my life down for the guy next to me is at the core of the Gospel.  The majority of the people I work with love their country and their families, work extremely hard without complaint and perform their jobs with the utmost of professionalism.

The challenges…well, I am sometimes questioned about why I don’t get drunk, or “party like a rockstar,” but 99% of the people I deal with have complete respect for my choices and for my faith in Christ.  The military has always been a great environment for people to deepen their faith.  In many ways, much easier than a job in the civilian world.  The real challenge is convincing strong, independent guys who in many way, have their lives pretty well on track that they need a savior.

Finally, Ron Burgundy is my biggest hero because who else has a home that smells of rich mahogany, many leather-bound books and plays a mean jazz flute?

Dustin DeKoekkoek asks: “I don’t know what your thought are on the Iraq war and that’s not what I’m asking, but what are your thought on being part of the military in a time of unjustified war (whether that be in Iraq or not, I’m not trying to argue that point). How would you reconcile being a Christian in the armed forces in a time of unjust war? You asked for it”

Answer:  I started working on this question and soon realized that a few paragraphs simply would not do it justice.  So, Dustin, don’t think I’m skipping your question, instead I’m going to follow-up with an entire post on it.

Ankesh Kothari asks:  “If I wanted to learn how to fly, what would you suggest is the best approach (which airplane to start with, how much time would it take, how expensive do you think it would be)? (I am not based in USA – but its ok if your advice is US specific.)  AND….

What’s the best thing you learned as a pilot that you wouldn’t have in the boring 9-5 job?”

Answer:  I think the best approach is to go to your local airport and inquire about flying lessons.  My flying experience is a bit different than most, simply because I didn’t do any civilian flying, all my flight training came free through the Air Force.

That being said, I have many friends that go their private pilot’s licenses (PPL).  All of them started out on a Cessna 172 or 182.  Time-wise, it takes a minimum of 40 flight hours to get your PPL.  And costs vary quite a bit depending on where you go and the fees they charge, but plan on $5,000 on the low end to $10,000 on the high end.  This includes books, ground school, plane rental fees, instructor fees, etc.

The best thing I have learned as a pilot that I wouldn’t have learned in other jobs is how to manage incredibly complex and stressful situations in real-time.  Flying a jet around at 350 knots speeds up the decision making process quite a bit, and when things go wrong, not only do you have to get the jet on the ground, but you have to work with the rest of your crew to make sure everyone is on board and doing their job.  This kind of speed and stress isn’t found in too many desk jobs.

Josh R. asks: “How long do you plan to stay in the AF? Do you plan to fly for a living when through? Is flying for a living fun? Or do you think it eventually become just another day at the office?  You ever fly sailplanes?

Answer: You asked the million dollar question my friend.  At this point I just don’t know how long I will stay in.  I have a 10-year commitment, so I’ll at least be in til 2017.  At that point I will have to decide if I want to stay in 10 more years in order to reach retirement.  I change my mind on this about every day, so I don’t have a concrete answer yet.  The family and I will sit down when the time comes and sort through the pros and cons.

Yes, flying for a living is incredibly fun.  And yes, it can become “just another day in the office.”  I think it’s less susceptible than other jobs simply because you’re always traveling, getting a change of scenery, new missions, new people, etc.  But, it can happen, lot’s of guys get burned out after 5 or 6 years.  It’s key to have a life outside of flying or burn-out is much more likely.  Finally, yes, I have flown sailplanes at the Air Force Academy and I loved it!

Mark asks: “My wife is pregnant with our first child, a girl! As the father of a girl what do you feel is most important advice for a father-to-be that is having a girl? (I am not really asking for general fatherhood advise, but specifically being a father to a girl.) Thanks!”

Answer: First of all congratulations, having a girl is wonderful!  I’ll be honest, when I first heard we were having a girl I was a bit nervous, simply because felt more comfortable with my abilities to raise a boy.  However, I am now so glad that we had a girl.  The best thing in the world is coming home from work and having her smile at you and put out her arms for you to pick her up.

As far as advice, the best I’ve heard was given at church about a month ago.  One of the pastors said that as a father one should answer, “yes” to your child’s questions.  A little girl is always asking (not always in these exact words), “Am I lovely, am I beautiful?”  and later on, “Am I worth pursuing?”  As a dad of a girl it’s your job to constantly answer, “Yes, you ARE lovely, you ARE beautiful and you ARE worth pursuing.”

Andrew Melander asks: “Hey Cameron. I know that the Air Force requires you to move around quite a bit, making it difficult to maintain a stable life for you and your family. What have you found to be the best ways to stay connected to old friends and get involved in your new communities? Along those lines, how do you go about finding a new church? [I know I've asked you some of these in person, just thought it might benefit others as well ]”

Answer: So far, the best ways I have found to stay connected with friends is to call them on the phone regularly and read the same books that they are reading.  The best way to get involved in a new community is to get involved in your local church for starters.  Outside of that I’ve found it’s also important to meet the local business owners.  They have their ears to the pulse of the city and always have the best advice for restaurants, places to go, etc.

Finding a new church is not always easy depending on where you go.  My advice is to take your time.  I’m not saying take years, but don’t jump into the first church you go to.  It may be the right one, but taking the time to go to several not only exposes you the spiritual climate of the city, but also helps you understand your core values and why you even go to church in the first place.  It’s a great exercise in your faith.  On a more practical note, Relevant Magazine’s website has a great church directory.

Mike Bates asks: “The popular image of the military suggests that it’s still a difficult place to be if you’re a woman. Do you concur with this? Would you want your daughter to be in the armed services?  AND…fill in the blank.  My life is __% like the movie Top Gun.”

Answer:  The military is a tough place for a woman, but not for the reasons most might think.  While the level of harassment following the initial integration of woman into the military was unacceptable, the culture has changed a great deal in the past decade with a focus on mutual respect and professionalism.  The reason it is still a difficult place for the female is simply because the military profession naturally plays more to the strengths of men than woman.  As far as my daughter, I would not encourage her to join, but at the end of the day it would have to be her decision which I would respect.

For the Top Gun question, it depends.  If you’re comparing my life to that of a computer programmer, then I would say my life is quite a bit like “Top Gun.”  If you’re comparing me to a fighter pilot, my life is much less like the movie.  Why?  I fly C-17′s which are large cargo aircraft as opposed to the F-14 that Maverick flew.  Second, I’m in the Air Force, “Top Gun” was a Navy movie…may not seem like it would matter, but believe me, it does.  I do wear a flight suit like Maverick, but I don’t look nearly as good.  And finally, I don’t play much beach volleyball and my wife won’t let me get a motorcycle.  So, I’ll go with %60.

Jacob Goodlin asks: “I will ask an easy and shallow question. Whats your favorite TV Series? If you say Prison Break, I will respect you even more.”

Answer:  A close tie between, “Lost” and “The Office” – definitely want to check out “Prison Break” though, have heard good things!

Akshay Kapur asks: “Why did you start blogging? AND – What led you to decide on flying as a career?

Answer:  I started blogging originally to get better at writing.  I didn’t promote it at all, but started getting something tiny like 8 visitors a day and was thinking, “Holy Cow!  Someone is actually reading this junk!”  Then I thought, “Hmm, if people are actually going to read this maybe I should write more about things that will help people rather than keeping a journal of sorts.  It slowly evolved from there.

I’ll be honest, even after I made the decision to fly, I wasn’t sure if it was the right one.  Now, I know it was, but at the time I was torn between my love of business and finance and my love for travel, adventure and flying.  I decided that if I was going to serve in the Air Force for 5-10 years, I would much rather be flying around in the wild blue yonder than sitting behind a desk all day.  So glad now that I chose as I did.

Brett McKay asks: “When can you retire from the Air Force? When you do, what would you do with your free time?”

Answer:  I have a 10-year commitment to the Air Force that started when I graduated from pilot training last December.  If I leave then I won’t get retirement because you need 20 years to get full retirement.  As I said in a previous answer, I really am not sure yet how long I will stay in.

As for what I will do when I get out, I have a list of possibilities about 1-mile long.  I would love to start my own business, do some missions work in Africa, or maybe even run for political office.  I know, I know, those 3 things seem to be polar opposites of each other, but this is the internal struggle I face daily, haha!

Secret Admirer (hmmm, wonder who that is?) asks: “You seem to have a great physique. How do you keep in such great physical shape? And does it have anything to do with your wife’s awesomeness?”

Answer:  My wife cooks very healthy food for me at home, but then I eat Twinkies from the squadron snack bar, feel guilty, then go run a few miles.  And I lift a bit as well.

Sara Martin asks: “…just wondering how much you miss your friends in Colorado Springs?”

Answer: So so much, speaking of which, when are you guys moving to Tacoma?

Beau Suder asks: “What do you think chairs would look like if our legs bent the other way?”

Answer: who asks that, seriously (this is my former roommate people so don’t be sad with my harsh treatment of him, he likes it).  I think it would look like a “U”…wait, why am I even answering this…

Justin Steinhart asks: “top 3 life-altering books?  AND…
how felt to loose to me in a foot race in steamboat?”

Answer:  besides The Word – “The World is Flat” by Thomas Friedman, “How Should We Then Live” by Francis Schaeffer and “Mere Christianity” by C.S. Lewis

AND….I don’t know what you’re talking about, they called me the white flash in high school so I don’t think that would be physically possible.

Mathieu asks: “(1) How do you stay organized and focused on achieving your goals in your professional and personal life? How do you personally handle setbacks or ways that you know other people have handled them that you admire?  (2) Any grooming or fashion advice you can give as a man?  (3) How do you handle money issues between you and your wife or friends?

Answer:

1.  To stay organized in reaching my goals I use this.  And this.

2.  As for grooming I use mostly Kiehl’s products and love them.

3.  As for money issues between my wife and I, we share an account and a common outlook on how we should spend, save, or invest our money.  We have a budget that we both review so we’re both on the same page.  Communication is key so that our expectations are aligned and there are no surprises.

Rob asks: “Hi, I am an aspiring pilot am trying to work out whether I should join the Royal Australian Air Force or take part in the Qantas Cadetship (ie; Military or Civilian paths?) What do you recommend, and how would you recommend I make the decision?  Also if I joined up I would look to fly the C-17 or the KC30B, can you tell me more about the lifestyle that comes with these aircraft?

Answer:  I actually met some Aussies at my initial C-17 training, what a great bunch of guys and gals!  If you want to travel a lot, accomplish some great things for your country and the world, scare yourself every once in a while and fly a $200 million dollar plane, I say fly the C-17.  The military route is great when it comes to feeling like you’re doing something that really matters.

As for the lifestyle, I am fairly new so I don’t have deep wells of experience to draw from.  However, in talking to the guys in my squad the lifestyle consists of lots of short trips throughout the year to places all over the world, as well as a longer deployment every once and a while.  When you’re home you are resting, filling out paperwork, training in the simulator and keeping your family and social life healthy.  Fast paced, but a fun group of people to work with and a great jet.

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Nearly every morning for the past 5 years I have sat down and read a chapter from the book of Proverbs.  Since there are 31 in all it sets up nicely for reading one a day.  It continues to amaze me the depth of wisdom found in each chapter covering every area of life from relationships to money to career advice.  If you have never read the book of Proverbs I highly recommend it.  Here are seven that enjoy terribly and share with you in hopes that they will benefit you as much as they have me:

“The wicked flee though no one pursues, but the righteous are as bold as a lion.” – Proverbs 28:1

Ever had someone start defending themselves before you even threw out an accusation?  Guilt has a funny way of making people weak and paranoid. We’ve all been there before and it’s a miserable way to live.  Hence the huge weight being lifted off our shoulders we often experience when we confess a wrongdoing.

On the opposite end, if you live with integrity and complete honesty you are, “relaxed and confident,” using the words of Eugene Peterson.  When the company has an audit or your work is investigated in some way you can be strong because you know you are in the right, bold as a lion.

“One person gives freely, yet gains even more; another withholds unduly, but comes to poverty.” – Proverbs 11:24

Most of us have heard the age-old adage, “It is better to give than receive,” and gave it a smile and nod, not paying it much mind.  Perhaps though there is a bit more depth to this idea than we realize.  Generosity obviously benefits the person on the receiving end, but the effects on the giver can be just as strong if not stronger. This principle applies to giving money as well as time and resources.

A 1998 study at Cornell University found that volunteering increases a person’s energy, self-esteem and sense of mastery over life. Other studies have shown that volunteers live longer and experience better health.  In a famous study at Harvard, the “Mother Teresa effect” was born after, “Researchers showed 132 Harvard students a film about Mother Teresa’s work among the Calcutta’s poor, and then measured the level of immunoglobin A present in their saliva. The test revealed markedly increased levels of Immunoglobin A, which is the body’s first defense against the common cold virus — all after simply witnessing somebody else involved in charity work.” (Sound Medicine, emphasis mine).  Start giving today!

“A wife of noble character is her husband’s crown, but a disgraceful wife is like decay in his bones.” – Proverbs 12:4

One of the most important decisions you will make in your life is who you marry.  All of us have seen great marriages as well as terrible ones and the products of each seem to multiply over time.  Nothing is worse than seeing two people suffering through a miserable marriage.  It really is like decay in the bones.  On the other hand, a great marriage is a pleasure to be around, the effects seem touch everyone in close proximity.

People often ask how I knew Marelize was “the one.” While I don’t think there’s a right answer to this question, I always say that I knew by the fact that I was proud to introduce her to my family and friends.  When they would meet her for the first time I didn’t even feel like I needed to be in the same room.  She could shine on her own and I knew they would see the quality of her character without me needing to point it out.  A spouse with character is indeed a great reward.

“One person pretends to be rich, yet has nothing; another pretends to be poor, yet has great wealth.” – Proverbs 13:7

In a culture that worships the rich and famous it is common to see people trying to project the image of wealth without actually having any.  And just the process of trying to look like you have it all can actually keep you from really acquiring any of it.  Going into debt in an attempt to keep up with the Jones’ is incredibly foolish, but all too common.

As Warren Buffet so aptly stated, “I just naturally want to do things that make sense. In my personal life too, I don’t care what other rich people are doing. I don’t want a 405 foot boat just because someone else has a 400 foot boat.” Much better to live below your means and slowly build your wealth even if it costs you some cool points.  In the end you’ll be the one everyone is trying to keep up with.  Financial advisor and talk show host, Dave Ramsey says it well “Live like no one else now so you can live like no one else for the rest of your life.”

“Walk with the wise and become wise, for a companion of fools suffers harm.” – Proverbs 13:20

For the first several years of your life it is your parents that have the greatest influence on you.  Then around middle school it is your friends that become your primary influences for the remainder of your life.  My friend Aaron Stern (great new blog) always says, “Show me your friends and I’ll show you your future.” He is on to something huge.

People naturally begin to imitate the people they spend the most time with.  If your friends like to whistle, you will mostly likely find yourself whistling after spending time with them.  If they like to read, chances are you will pick up a book the next time you’re out.  All of these things add up and largely determine the future outcome of your life.  So hang out with quality people, wise people…and keep yourself from fools.

“Plans fail for lack of counsel, but with many advisers they succeed.” – Proverbs 15:22

One thing that never ceases to amaze me is people’s fear of asking questions.  Businesses go bankrupt, opportunities go down the drain, and people make stupid decisions because they don’t take the time to ask others who have been there before.  Often times it is simply pride.  None of us like admitting that we don’t know what we’re doing.

The most successful people in the world all have a few things in common – they understand the importance of trusted advisers and they ask questions.  In my own life I have a group of men that I consistently go to with important life decisions.  They each have different backgrounds so the chances are high that I will get well-rounded counsel.  Their wisdom has saved me time and time again from making poor decisions.  Read more about building a personal council or board of directors here.

“Do not exalt yourself in the king’s presence, and do not claim a place among his great men; it is better for him to say to you, ‘Come up here,’ than for him to humiliate you before his nobles.” – Proverbs 25:6-7

While most of us are not likely to find ourselves in the presence of an actual king anytime soon, all of us have “kings” in our lives, people like our bosses, mentors and heroes.  One of the most awkward moments happens when someone assumes they are “one of the guys,” when they are not.  This is often a result of thinking of yourself more highly than you ought.

Situations like this can be all together avoided by being humble and letting others highlight you rather than jumping up to highlight yourself.  If you truly deserve credit and honor you won’t need to point it out, it will find you.

Have any favorite Proverbs of your own?  Please share! AND…

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Trying to get back into the swing of things after over a week without a computer or internet (gasp) I came across a recent post over at Ben Casnocha’s blog that I felt was worth repeating…thanks Ben!

For those of you who have never heard of Nassim Taleb he is best known for his study of randomness, the highly impropable (The Black Swan), markets, and the reason we humans struggle so hard to explain everything. He now gets paid around $60,000 per speaking engagement and most recently wrote The Black Swan…see my review here.

Taleb’s top life tips

1 Scepticism is effortful and costly. It is better to be sceptical about matters of large consequences, and be imperfect, foolish and human in the small and the aesthetic.

2 Go to parties. You can’t even start to know what you may find on the envelope of serendipity. If you suffer from agoraphobia, send colleagues.

3 It’s not a good idea to take a forecast from someone wearing a tie. If possible, tease people who take themselves and their knowledge too seriously.

4 Wear your best for your execution and stand dignified. Your last recourse against randomness is how you act — if you can’t control outcomes, you can control the elegance of your behaviour. You will always have the last word.

5 Don’t disturb complicated systems that have been around for a very long time. We don’t understand their logic. Don’t pollute the planet. Leave it the way we found it, regardless of scientific ‘evidence’.

6 Learn to fail with pride — and do so fast and cleanly. Maximise trial and error — by mastering the error part.

7 Avoid losers. If you hear someone use the words ‘impossible’, ‘never’, ‘too difficult’ too often, drop him or her from your social network. Never take ‘no’ for an answer (conversely, take most ‘yeses’ as ‘most probably’).

8 Don’t read newspapers for the news (just for the gossip and, of course, profiles of authors). The best filter to know if the news matters is if you hear it in cafes, restaurants… or (again) parties.

9 Hard work will get you a professorship or a BMW. You need both work and luck for a Booker, a Nobel or a private jet.

10 Answer e-mails from junior people before more senior ones. Junior people have further to go and tend to remember who slighted them.

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The twenties are an amazing time in life. For most of us it is the first time that we are truly on our own and free to choose our own path. It is an age where we essentially get to start with a clean canvas and begin painting the type of life we have dreamed of since childhood. It is an opportune time to try new things, new jobs, develop new habits and enjoy the lifestyle that comes with having little responsibility and endless amounts of energy.

The twenties are also foundational years for us and should not be wasted or lived unintentionally. With the help of some friends and mentors, the following are some of the best things we could think of to do in order to make the most of your twenties:

1. Surround yourself with wise mentors – you don’t know how to get somewhere you’ve never been. that’s why you need mentors– insight and help from people who are where you want to be. None of us know the answer to every curve ball that life throws our way, but with the help of others that have been there, our chances of making the best decision grow exponentially. Choose a diverse group of mentors and utilize their experience.
2. Become a lifelong learner – as mentioned above, the awesome thing about your twenties is that you gain a tremendous amount of freedom to pursue whatever direction in life you choose. With this freedom comes an opportunity to study things for your own enjoyment rather than because you were told to. It’s easy to think that because, “school’s out for summer,” that learning is out as well, but keeping your mind active and continually challenging yourself are key parts of living well and developing these habits in your 20′s will help keep you from becoming dumb and irrelevant.
3. Travel – the practice of leaving home to experience new locations and cultures is fundamental, and one that nearly everyone I posed the idea of this list to told me to include. There is something magnificent about traveling that goes beyond just snapping a few photos or placing thumbtacks on a map. Traveling helps us understand that life is much bigger than ourselves and inevitably leads us to the wonderful question, “why?” as we notice the differences from place to place. It is this lifestyle of “why” that is so valuable as we learn to question the way we all live rather than just taking everything at face value.
4. Learn to listen and handle criticism well – if there’s one deadly mistake I’ve seen made by many of my peers over the past few years it is the inability to receive criticism. Guess what, all of us have things we could do better at, especially in our 20′s. Toughen up a little and have enough maturity to realize that criticism is a healthy part of life and doesn’t require a poor attitude, excuse or rebuttal on your part. Most importantly learn from criticism.
5. Develop an active, healthy lifestyle – by adopting healthy habits such as eating well and exercising regularly in your 20′s you are setting yourself up for a much better quality of life. No great experience or event matters if you are not healthy enough to enjoy it. Learn to cook healthy meals and join a gym…if you’re really adventurous, run a marathon. Developing these habits at age 24 is far easier than age 44.
6. Read a classic – even though we are required to read a few classics here and there throughout school, if you’re like me you have forgotten most of the characters and plot twists by now. Take the time to read something by Dostoevsky, or if length is a big issue for you, try something like “Catcher in the Rye.” The issue isn’t so much the specific book, just developing a habit of reading for personal enjoyment. If you’re not sure where to start, check out this list made by my friend Brett at Art of Manliness.
7. Go on an overseas missions trip – Traveling is wonderful, but it is possible to travel the globe without ever really stepping outside of yourself. Some of the moments that have changed my life the most came serving others in the poorest and most broken places in the world such as helping in the rebuilding effort in Thailand after the devastating tsunami in 2005. It is well-known truth that we often find ourselves the strongest when we spend our lives in the service of others.
8. Create a monthly budget – often the big advice from financial planners for young people comes in a cheeky remark about cutting back on the Starbucks lattes. Well, I love Starbucks and don’t plan on giving up my coffee. Instead I’ve built them into a monthly budget. Building a monthly budget is foundational to a healthy financial life, by starting one and living by it in your 20′s you can ensure a solid financial situation for years to come.
9. Start a Roth IRA – I know of no better retirement vehicle than the Roth IRA. A Roth is unique because your money grows tax-free meaning at retirement age (currently 59 1/2) when you finally decide to pull out the money you have accumulated, you don’t have to pay any taxes on any of it. For a layman’s guide to the Roth IRA including how to start one, read my post on the subject here.
10. Buy a used car – it may be tempting to show how independent you’ve become by pulling up to your friend’s house in a brand new car, but fight the urge. You are losing thousands of dollars the second you roll out of the dealership parking lot. Even buying a year-old car will save you tons of money while still providing you with a relatively new vehicle. I mention this for twenty-somethings because I’ve seen so many of my friends bury themselves in debt over a car, one of the few “investments” in the world almost guaranteed to do nothing, but depreciate during its lifetime.
11. Understand basic investment principles – there is no doubt that financial illiteracy is rampant among young people mainly due to it’s weak to non-existent standing in secondary school curriculum. Most people do not truly begin understanding the basics of investing until they are at an age where it won’t make much of a difference anyway. The three principles I have written about here at Schaefer’s Blog which I think every young person should know include: 1) Time Value of Money 2) Pay Yourself First 3) Dollar-Cost Averaging
12. Go to a concert – Ever noticed that many people’s fondest memories start with, “One time we got tickets to (fill in the blank).” There is something amazing about live music and thousands of screaming fans that turns up the volume of our lives in all the right ways. Whether it’s Coldplay, U2, Celine Dion (my wife drug me to her show in Vegas and….it was actually pretty good) or Willie Nelson (one of the best I’ve seen) pony up and buy some tickets to a good concert.
13. Learn a foreign language – there’s something wonderful about communicating with someone in their native tongue; it breaks down cultural barriers like nothing else. The 20′s are a wonderful time to learn a new language as you travel the world and immerse yourself.
14. Start a blog – the ability to communicate one’s ideas in writing is an incredibly valuable asset. Blogging is similar to journaling, but with the added bonus of exposing your ideas to the scrutiny of millions of eagle-eyed online viewers. It’s amazing how quickly your writing improves when you realize that people will actually be reading your work. For more great reasons why you should start a blog read here.
15. Get your college degree – according to a recent report from the Commerce Department’s Census Bureau a college graduate can expect to earn approximately $900,000 more over their lifetime than those with only a high school diploma. Whether you like it or not, a college degree is one of those things that society considers an entry ticket for most well-paying jobs. Instead of lecturing everyone on why a college degree is overrated, just take the time to get one and save your lectures for the classroom.
    
16. Pay off credit cards – We’ve all heard the alarming stats yet few seem to be changing their behavior. The average college graduate it now entering the workforce with approximately $3,200 in credit card debt. Add to this student loans and it is easy to see why most in their 20′s take the attitude of, “I’ll deal with it later when I’m making more.” The problem is credit card debt can affect things like qualifying for a home loan, saving for retirement and building a solid credit rating. If you can’t pay off the full balance of your card every month then do yourself a huge favor and don’t use one in the first place. Secondly, whatever debt you do have, pay off as soon as possible – it will save you a lot of headaches in the future.
17. Stay in a hotel that costs over $200 a night – My wife and I had a debate about this one. I said you should do this in order to see that it’s not that much better than the $89-a-night Holiday Inn down the street. She disagreed, stating it was normally much better and one should stay in a nice hotel at least once in their 20′s just to treat themselves with a nice experience. So, I guess whatever way you look at it, staying in a nice hotel is something every twenty-something should do.
18. Read the Bible cover to cover – no other book has been cited by others, recounted in the arts, or debated in the public arena more than the Bible. And yet, very few have actually read it cover to cover. Being that this book covers so many fundamental issues central to life such as the role of God, man, sin, death, salvation, etc. it is something every person should read for themselves instead of relying on hazy quotes from the university philosophy professor or television evangelist. Man’s decision of what to do with God is one of the most integral he will ever make. Better to make this decision based on a personal encounter rather than off-hand information.
19. Explore your family of origin issues (positive and negative) and pursue growth – so many studies in sociology always end up pointing back to one’s family life growing up as the major factor in their growth and development. No doubt some of us experienced a wonderful family life while others went through something more akin to a nightmare. Either way the 20′s are a key time in understanding any family issues that may be holding you back and taking the necessary steps to find healing. It may require some counseling or may be as simple as calling your parents and telling them how much you love them.
20. Figure out the type of person you want to marry – I happened to get married at the age of 22 to my beautiful wife. This may seem young to many, but it has worked well for us. While I don’t think getting married in your 20′s is for everyone, it is definitely the time of life to start deciding what traits and values you desire in a future spouse. I’m not saying you need a 3 page checklist, but deciding on some of the non-negotiables will allow you to narrow in your focus and keep you from jumping into one poor relationship after another.

So, what have I missed? What should not be on the list and why? Please leave a comment and make your voice heard!

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Several months ago I decided that 2008 would be the year for me to run a marathon, something I’ve wanted to do for a long time, but always put off. Yesterday I ran my first half-marathon, a check point for me to see just where I am in my running journey.

The run went well and I completed the 13.1-mile course in a time of 1:43:38…about a 7:55 pace. I felt pretty pleased with myself until later in the afternoon when I saw the time for the winner who blazed through the course finishing in 1:08:06…35 minutes ahead of me! Now I know that running is supposed to be about competing against yourself and not worrying about other racers, blah blah blah, but the fact is I love competition and reading his time had an effect on me.

At this moment I had two choices:

• Be discouraged and decide I would never be able to run with the “big boys” OR

• Realize that while the process will take time and a lot of hard work, there’s no reason I can’t slowly cut away at this gap and become a great runner in the process.

NOW, this decision is what this post is all about – I don’t believe my choice to use his time as motivation rather than discouragement was an accident or simply a result of me being an optimist. It’s because I’ve had the opportunity to be in “Mr. 1:08′s” shoes before, not in the same sport, but different ones at various times — I’ve experienced winning and in doing so have gained some valuable insight:

The difference between first and second place is incredibly small. Winners know this and losers don’t.

In the 2004 Olympic games the difference between gold and silver in the 100-meter dash was .01 seconds…one one-hundredth of a second! If a couple muscle fibers had twitched a bit slower for champion Justin Gatlin his life from that moment on would have been completely different.

The person coming in second often feels like there is a huge chasm separating them from the winner’s circle. The champion understands that the margin between him and the guy right behind him is incredibly thin and easily gained and lost.

It is this perspective that enables some to excel in nearly everything, while others find nothing, but struggle and defeat. If one believes that the void between their present position and where they want to be is small and ultimately attainable then they will approach each endeavor EXPECTING victory. While this may seem insignificant to some, I believe it is a key trait of champions both in sports and life.

Those who expect to win view trials and tribulations along their journey very lightly, not paying them much attention. But those with no expectation of succeeding view bumps in the road as confirmation that they shouldn’t be on the road in the first place. Self-fulfilling prophecy at its finest.

Life’s battles don’t always go to the stronger or faster man. But sooner or later the man who wins, is the man who thinks he can. – Vince Lombardi

So how does one develop this outlook on life? Here’s a few thoughts:

• Hang Out With Winners – One of the best pieces of advice I’ve ever received is to spend time with the types of people you want to become. By spending time with successful people, not only will you have a chance to find out what makes them tick, but you’ll naturally begin to mimic their actions and attitudes.

• Put Yourself in A Position to Win – Sometimes, no matter how bad you believe you can succeed you’re not going to because you’ve made too many poor choices along the way. Winners understand there is no quick fix or secret solution. Without preparation you can kiss success goodbye. Excellence doesn’t just appear randomly, it is a habit that must be exercised daily.

• You Can’t Win At Everything, Don’t Try – I get really tired of hearing people say that you can do anything if you just believe or confess it enough times. It’s simply not true. My friend Lucas has an incredible ability to create beautiful pieces of pottery. I would love to be a great potter, but I’ve tried and I don’t have the patience or the vision. I could spend my life confessing and believing “I will be a wonderful potter,” but the reality is, it’s not going to happen and it would be a waste of time for me to pursue this goal. Attitude and believing you can succeed are only a part of the equation, they are not the sole element.

• Winning Attitude Does Not Equal Cocky Attitude – Make no mistake, I’m not advocating a swagger or cockiness. It is completely possible to be confident without being a jerk about it. Some of the most successful people I know are also the most humble…remember, the gap between first and second is small…just because you win doesn’t mean no one can touch you.

I sincerely hope this post doesn’t come off as one more self-help, “Secret”, 5 Steps to Victory-type post. My purpose for writing this was simply to show that people can look at a situation and either see an obstacle or they can see nothing and just keep winning. It’s not a secret, it’s just a reality

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When I was young there was a show I watched on Nickelodeon called, “Are You Afraid of the Dark,” a horror-themed kid’s series which basically portrayed various ghost stories and urban legends each week to millions of wide-eyed adolescents like myself. The show was quite a hit because it focused on something that most of us had in common at that age, an unexplainable fear of the dark. Like most, I was constantly consumed by the idea that a whole new evil world existed in my closet as soon as my mom kissed me goodnight and switched off the lights.

Most kids have this fear and eventually grow out of it. Lately, though, I have begun to believe that the average college and 20-something has replaced this fear with an entirely new one, the fear of silence.

How many times have you been alone at home and turned on the television, not to watch anything, but simply for the background noise? When you hop in the car you turn on some music. Going on a run…can’t forget the iPod. I know friends that have to have some sort of noise just to fall asleep at night!

Our lives have slowly become enveloped by a white noise that all of us feel quite naked without. Noise has become for us at age 24 what a night light was at age 5. Don’t believe me? When is the last time you drove to school or work in complete silence? Or spent a day without turning on the t.v. or stereo?

While many brush this fact off as a funny quirk, I contend that this phobia is a destructive one, keeping us from the deeper things of life, the things buried deep down in the soul…the things that only come out in solitude and the heaviest of silence.

In, “Death by Suburb,” author David Goetz explains, “The deeper spiritual life is never a direct route…In the toxic dump of efficiency and control, though, the first act must be countercultural — a decision not to act.” Silence is hard and scary and aggravating because it’s nothing in a world that is constantly seeking something.

Many of the great thinkers and philosophers throughout history have grappled with the effects of silence’s partner solitude. In “Walden,” Henry David Thoreau revealed, “I never found the companion that was so companionable as solitude.”

Someone sitting in a small apartment in New York City is now reading this going, “Walden! Anyone could explore the richness of silence and solitude, ‘along the shores of Walden Pond,’ but I live in a city that never sleeps, among people that never shut up!” True. But maybe exploring the deeper life of silence and solitude is has nothing to do with geography.

Maybe exploring the things of the soul, the things of God and self requires nothing more than stopping. As Goetz puts it,

For spiritual development and entrance into the thicker, more reflective life, solitude is more inside space than it is outside space. Solitude isn’t something to consume, like a summer vacation at Lake Tahoe…It begins incrementally with the practice of becoming still. For a minute, for two minutes, for five minutes–not necessarily in beholding a snowcapped mountain peak, but simply in stopping the pursuit of efficiency…And to stop the scheming inside my head.

As I’ve tried to practice these times of silence and solitude I’ve discovered that often they are not so calming or relaxing as many would have you believe. In fact, sometimes they are miserable, a battle with myself…my mind wandering and me chasing after like a nagging headmaster to reign it back in…then me wondering things like, “If I am chasing my mind, does that mean my mind is chasing itself, like a dog chases it’s tail?” Ridiculous! Silence and stillness often don’t produce grand revelations…only more question marks. But every once and a while…it’s worth it.

Why do I tell you all this? Because being scared of the silence keeps us away from some of the greatest treasures in life. Our soul is an incredible thing, something God placed in man to make him like God. But the soul is mysterious…and can only be thoroughly examined in solitude and silence. Our lives, in many ways will depend on these moments of soul searching. And who would want to miss out by trading these moments for a little more background noise?

****Update 5/31/10****

From a BBC News Magazine article entitled, “The Joy of Daydreaming,”

I had a suspicion – no more than that – that with the encroachment of digital technology into every private corner of our lives comes an erosion of a precious capacity to step aside from the hurly burly, “to stand and stare”.

“What is this life, if full of care, We have no time to stand and stare…”

WH Davies’ poem is 100 years old, written before mass ownership of the motor car, let alone the superhighway.

But in moments of stillness, now as then, we find opportunities for reflection, random association and creativity. Lose the gift of daydreaming and we lose that connection to our inner selves.

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It doesn’t seem right, does it? Celebration should be the one thing in our life that doesn’t require discipline. Discipline is reserved for the hard things like eating healthy, practicing the piano, or sitting through the preliminary rounds of American Idol.

But, in the midst of our busy lives, celebration is often overlooked, forgotten and put off until later, “when things settle down.” Celebration, the very thing we need to stay joyful and balanced, becomes the one thing we never make time for. Our lack of celebration is killing us.

The busier we become and the more responsibilities we take on, the more important it is for us to be intentional about taking the time to celebrate.

This thought occurred to me today as I was reading Mark Buchanan’s book, “Your God is Too Safe.” He describes celebration as the way we bring a small part of heaven down to earth.

“Celebration is the practice of lifting our eyes from our preoccupation with all the work we have to do and the trouble we’re in and the money we owe and the reputation we strive to keep…It’s training ourselves, in the midst of and in spite of all that might be amiss, to see heaven…It’s the discipline of setting joy before us so that we might throw off everything that hinders and run the race marked out for us–that we might endure and not lose heart and not grow weary.”

Celebration is the quickest way to slow down and enjoy your life. A welcome reprieve in the midst of stress and busyness. It seems like an obvious thing, but when is the last time you stopped everything in your life and celebrated?

It’s interesting that in the midst of the Old Testament, often thought of by people as the tales of an angry, taskmaster God only interested in smiting, we find a God that continually demands His people to celebrate.

“‘Celebrate the Feast of Unleavened Bread…Celebrate the Feast of the Harvest…Celebrate the Feast of Weeks…Celebrate the Passover…Celebrate the Feast of Tabernacles…Celebrate.’”

(“Your God is Too Safe,” pg. 242)

God knew that celebration was a key part of healthy and balanced living and made it a mandatory part of life. I think He was onto something back then that we need to be applying to our lives today.

The most bitter people in the world are often the most ungrateful. Celebration focuses our attention on the things in our life we have to be thankful for…it’s one giant dose of gratefulness.

The act of celebrating acts as a scrub brush on our heart, keeping it clean and free from the buildup of life.

Before you begin making excuses to yourself about why you rarely celebrate, realize that celebration comes in many forms and sizes. It doesn’t mean you have to throw a dinner party for 100 people.

The key to practicing the discipline of celebration lies in constantly coming up with excuses to celebrate.

Did your daughter get an “A” on her math test? Take the family out for dinner. Did your friend just get the promotion he desperately wanted? Make them a cake and have them over for dessert. Did your wife have a hard week? Have a “You Made It Through a Hard Week” weekend getaway. You get the idea.

The point is that celebration is a mindset, a heartset. A discipline that requires effort and intentionality, but one that leads the way to your best life.

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The last few weeks have been incredibly busy for me. First, I spent 5 days in Florida getting dunked in the ocean for a water survival course, then I was home for a day before hitting the road again in search of a new house in Washington. When I came back from that trip I could not relax because the movers were coming the very next day to pack up our things. In the midst of all the traveling, rush, stress, excitement there was Malone.

I noticed my month-old daughter had grown a lot in the past couple weeks. She was changing quickly. Her hair was longer, she didn’t quite fit into some of her newborn outfits, she seemed much taller and, in a sense, I was missing it…not because I had been away, though that had some to do with it, but because I was becoming consumed with the “busy-ness” of life. This struck me deeply as I held her. I turned off the television, closed my laptop and just looked at her. My daughter was teaching me the art of the pause.

The art of the pause is the ability to completely shut off the world around and concentrate solely on one thing, person or circumstance…not striving, but simply taking it all in. In a world where technology makes it so easy to multi-task, the ability to pause is becoming an even greater necessity. We must all learn the art of the pause if we are to have healthy and meaningful relationships, and lives that are lived for more than just the accumulation of tasks and achievements. The art of the pause is the secret to enjoying everything for which we work so hard, the meeting place of gratefulness and fulfillment.

How then, do we pause?

1) Stop – Shut off the noise, whether that’s the television, computer or cell phone. Just stop. You may be uncomfortable with the silence, but it just means you haven’t paused in a while. Its easy to get caught in the trap of feeling like you always have to be doing something; checking e-mail, watching the news, reading, cleaning, etc. I am guilty of this. The art of the pause is a buffer against this silent life-killer. If you haven’t paused in a while sometimes the best way to stop is to go hiking or camping, away from the crowds, the noise and cell-phone coverage. However you have to do it, just stop.

2) Focus – If you’re with someone focus on them. Listen to them, make eye contact and don’t formulate a response in your head as they’re talking. If you’re all alone, focus on your present circumstances and what you have to be thankful for. By focusing you allow yourself a chance to assess your present position in life, giving you increased situational awareness. For me, this was simply staring down at my wonderful daughter and looking at her eyes, her hair, her feet, just soaking in the awesomeness of such a creation.

3) Enjoy – The most bitter people in the world are the most ungrateful. Everyone has something to be thankful for whether it is good health, supportive family, a great job, or a loving God. By focusing on the good things in your life you gain perspective and the focus normally goes away from whatever is stressing you out to the things you enjoy the most. The ability to enjoy life is directly related to your ability to be thankful.

Life is a vapor. If we don’t pay attention we can fly by some of the most significant moments without blinking an eye. My newborn daughter taught me the art of the pause, a practice that will cost you very little in the long run, but gain you a life lived to the hilt.

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When it comes to New Year’s resolutions, most people I talk to roll their eyes and sigh, thinking of the futility of the whole exercise after years and years of failure. The spirit behind a New Year’s resolution is a noble one, an attempt to live a better life or do things differently. The problem is most of us just don’t approach it with much intentionality, instead making up an unattainable goal in the heat of battle, like losing 50lbs after stepping on the scale the day after Christmas. Last year about this time, my sage father-in-law showed me an incredibly simple, but effective way of making a list of goals, or resolutions, for the year and actually following through on them. This is the process:

Understand Balance – I am convinced that 99% of people’s disappointments and failures in life are simply due to imbalance in a certain area(s). Eating too much, exercising too little, not praying enough, too much time at the office, too much television, etc. The point is, there’s a happy medium in every area of our lives; a place of balance where we find our best life. All New Year’s goals should be made with the theme of balance in our minds.

Take Stock of Your Present State – Before you can decide what you want to strive for in the future you have to have a good understanding of where you are in the present. Take a pen and piece of paper and sketch out a diagram similar to the one below.

The point is to look at each area of your life, ie. family, work, spirit, body, finances, etc and take stock of where you are at this moment in time. Decide what areas are important to you and create spokes for each one. Next make tick marks on each spoke, labeling them 1-10; 1 meaning you’re failing miserably in that area and 10 meaning you are perfect, no changes necessary. Make a dot where you think you fall in each area, then connect the dots. You will probably notice immediately that the shape you’ve created has very little resemblance to a circle, which would represent perfect balance. Most likely you have some areas that you’re doing great at and others that you’re struggling. The point of this diagram is to show visually what needs to change in order to make a circle, or bring balance to your life. This diagram is the basis for creating your New Year’s goals.

Make Goals for Each Category – Now its time to actually come up with your goals. Remember, the desired end state of this whole process is a balanced life, so all individual goals should be made with this in mind. In other words, if you notice that you have a very high score for work, but a miserable one for family/marriage, make goals that will allow you more time at home and less at the office. In order to create good goals, use the SMART acronym: Specific, Measurable, Attainable, Relevant, Timebound. For a better explanation on creating SMART goals reference my previous post on the subject. Again, make goals that will create a circle on your diagram, which will mean putting different levels of effort and focus on each area.

Exchange Your Goals With a Close Friend – Accountability is crucial in achieving any goal in life. Find a close friend and have them go through this exercise with you, then exchange your goals and bring them up on a consistent basis throughout the year. I emphasize close friend for two reasons. First, it is likely that some of your goals will contain personal information, like investing goals, or family issues, so its important to have someone you trust. Second, only a close friend will really get on your case if you falling short in a certain area. We all need a good friend to confront us every once and a while if we really intend to make lasting change in our lives. With accountability your chances of succeeding in achieving your goals and keeping your resolutions increase dramatically.

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