Trying to get back into the swing of things after over a week without a computer or internet (gasp) I came across a recent post over at Ben Casnocha’s blog that I felt was worth repeating…thanks Ben!

For those of you who have never heard of Nassim Taleb he is best known for his study of randomness, the highly impropable (The Black Swan), markets, and the reason we humans struggle so hard to explain everything. He now gets paid around $60,000 per speaking engagement and most recently wrote The Black Swan…see my review here.

Taleb’s top life tips

1 Scepticism is effortful and costly. It is better to be sceptical about matters of large consequences, and be imperfect, foolish and human in the small and the aesthetic.

2 Go to parties. You can’t even start to know what you may find on the envelope of serendipity. If you suffer from agoraphobia, send colleagues.

3 It’s not a good idea to take a forecast from someone wearing a tie. If possible, tease people who take themselves and their knowledge too seriously.

4 Wear your best for your execution and stand dignified. Your last recourse against randomness is how you act — if you can’t control outcomes, you can control the elegance of your behaviour. You will always have the last word.

5 Don’t disturb complicated systems that have been around for a very long time. We don’t understand their logic. Don’t pollute the planet. Leave it the way we found it, regardless of scientific ‘evidence’.

6 Learn to fail with pride — and do so fast and cleanly. Maximise trial and error — by mastering the error part.

7 Avoid losers. If you hear someone use the words ‘impossible’, ‘never’, ‘too difficult’ too often, drop him or her from your social network. Never take ‘no’ for an answer (conversely, take most ‘yeses’ as ‘most probably’).

8 Don’t read newspapers for the news (just for the gossip and, of course, profiles of authors). The best filter to know if the news matters is if you hear it in cafes, restaurants… or (again) parties.

9 Hard work will get you a professorship or a BMW. You need both work and luck for a Booker, a Nobel or a private jet.

10 Answer e-mails from junior people before more senior ones. Junior people have further to go and tend to remember who slighted them.

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The twenties are an amazing time in life. For most of us it is the first time that we are truly on our own and free to choose our own path. It is an age where we essentially get to start with a clean canvas and begin painting the type of life we have dreamed of since childhood. It is an opportune time to try new things, new jobs, develop new habits and enjoy the lifestyle that comes with having little responsibility and endless amounts of energy.

The twenties are also foundational years for us and should not be wasted or lived unintentionally. With the help of some friends and mentors, the following are some of the best things we could think of to do in order to make the most of your twenties:

1. Surround yourself with wise mentors - you don’t know how to get somewhere you’ve never been. that’s why you need mentors– insight and help from people who are where you want to be. None of us know the answer to every curve ball that life throws our way, but with the help of others that have been there, our chances of making the best decision grow exponentially. Choose a diverse group of mentors and utilize their experience.
2. Become a lifelong learner - as mentioned above, the awesome thing about your twenties is that you gain a tremendous amount of freedom to pursue whatever direction in life you choose. With this freedom comes an opportunity to study things for your own enjoyment rather than because you were told to. It’s easy to think that because, “school’s out for summer,” that learning is out as well, but keeping your mind active and continually challenging yourself are key parts of living well and developing these habits in your 20’s will help keep you from becoming dumb and irrelevant.
3. Travel - the practice of leaving home to experience new locations and cultures is fundamental, and one that nearly everyone I posed the idea of this list to told me to include. There is something magnificent about traveling that goes beyond just snapping a few photos or placing thumbtacks on a map. Traveling helps us understand that life is much bigger than ourselves and inevitably leads us to the wonderful question, “why?” as we notice the differences from place to place. It is this lifestyle of “why” that is so valuable as we learn to question the way we all live rather than just taking everything at face value.
4. Learn to listen and handle criticism well - if there’s one deadly mistake I’ve seen made by many of my peers over the past few years it is the inability to receive criticism. Guess what, all of us have things we could do better at, especially in our 20’s. Toughen up a little and have enough maturity to realize that criticism is a healthy part of life and doesn’t require a poor attitude, excuse or rebuttal on your part. Most importantly learn from criticism.
5. Develop an active, healthy lifestyle - by adopting healthy habits such as eating well and exercising regularly in your 20’s you are setting yourself up for a much better quality of life. No great experience or event matters if you are not healthy enough to enjoy it. Learn to cook healthy meals and join a gym…if you’re really adventurous, run a marathon. Developing these habits at age 24 is far easier than age 44.
6. Read a classic - even though we are required to read a few classics here and there throughout school, if you’re like me you have forgotten most of the characters and plot twists by now. Take the time to read something by Dostoevsky, or if length is a big issue for you, try something like “Catcher in the Rye.” The issue isn’t so much the specific book, just developing a habit of reading for personal enjoyment. If you’re not sure where to start, check out this list made by my friend Brett at Art of Manliness.
7. Go on an overseas missions trip - Traveling is wonderful, but it is possible to travel the globe without ever really stepping outside of yourself. Some of the moments that have changed my life the most came serving others in the poorest and most broken places in the world such as helping in the rebuilding effort in Thailand after the devastating tsunami in 2005. It is well-known truth that we often find ourselves the strongest when we spend our lives in the service of others.
8. Create a monthly budget - often the big advice from financial planners for young people comes in a cheeky remark about cutting back on the Starbucks lattes. Well, I love Starbucks and don’t plan on giving up my coffee. Instead I’ve built them into a monthly budget. Building a monthly budget is foundational to a healthy financial life, by starting one and living by it in your 20’s you can ensure a solid financial situation for years to come.
9. Start a Roth IRA - I know of no better retirement vehicle than the Roth IRA. A Roth is unique because your money grows tax-free meaning at retirement age (currently 59 1/2) when you finally decide to pull out the money you have accumulated, you don’t have to pay any taxes on any of it. For a layman’s guide to the Roth IRA including how to start one, read my post on the subject here.
10. Buy a used car - it may be tempting to show how independent you’ve become by pulling up to your friend’s house in a brand new car, but fight the urge. You are losing thousands of dollars the second you roll out of the dealership parking lot. Even buying a year-old car will save you tons of money while still providing you with a relatively new vehicle. I mention this for twenty-somethings because I’ve seen so many of my friends bury themselves in debt over a car, one of the few “investments” in the world almost guaranteed to do nothing, but depreciate during its lifetime.
11. Understand basic investment principles - there is no doubt that financial illiteracy is rampant among young people mainly due to it’s weak to non-existent standing in secondary school curriculum. Most people do not truly begin understanding the basics of investing until they are at an age where it won’t make much of a difference anyway. The three principles I have written about here at Schaefer’s Blog which I think every young person should know include: 1) Time Value of Money 2) Pay Yourself First 3) Dollar-Cost Averaging
12. Go to a concert - Ever noticed that many people’s fondest memories start with, “One time we got tickets to (fill in the blank).” There is something amazing about live music and thousands of screaming fans that turns up the volume of our lives in all the right ways. Whether it’s Coldplay, U2, Celine Dion (my wife drug me to her show in Vegas and….it was actually pretty good) or Willie Nelson (one of the best I’ve seen) pony up and buy some tickets to a good concert.
13. Learn a foreign language - there’s something wonderful about communicating with someone in their native tongue; it breaks down cultural barriers like nothing else. The 20’s are a wonderful time to learn a new language as you travel the world and immerse yourself.
14. Start a blog - the ability to communicate one’s ideas in writing is an incredibly valuable asset. Blogging is similar to journaling, but with the added bonus of exposing your ideas to the scrutiny of millions of eagle-eyed online viewers. It’s amazing how quickly your writing improves when you realize that people will actually be reading your work. For more great reasons why you should start a blog read here.
15. Get your college degree - according to a recent report from the Commerce Department’s Census Bureau a college graduate can expect to earn approximately $900,000 more over their lifetime than those with only a high school diploma. Whether you like it or not, a college degree is one of those things that society considers an entry ticket for most well-paying jobs. Instead of lecturing everyone on why a college degree is overrated, just take the time to get one and save your lectures for the classroom.
    
16. Pay off credit cards - We’ve all heard the alarming stats yet few seem to be changing their behavior. The average college graduate it now entering the workforce with approximately $3,200 in credit card debt. Add to this student loans and it is easy to see why most in their 20’s take the attitude of, “I’ll deal with it later when I’m making more.” The problem is credit card debt can affect things like qualifying for a home loan, saving for retirement and building a solid credit rating. If you can’t pay off the full balance of your card every month then do yourself a huge favor and don’t use one in the first place. Secondly, whatever debt you do have, pay off as soon as possible - it will save you a lot of headaches in the future.
17. Stay in a hotel that costs over $200 a night - My wife and I had a debate about this one. I said you should do this in order to see that it’s not that much better than the $89-a-night Holiday Inn down the street. She disagreed, stating it was normally much better and one should stay in a nice hotel at least once in their 20’s just to treat themselves with a nice experience. So, I guess whatever way you look at it, staying in a nice hotel is something every twenty-something should do.
18. Read the Bible cover to cover - no other book has been cited by others, recounted in the arts, or debated in the public arena more than the Bible. And yet, very few have actually read it cover to cover. Being that this book covers so many fundamental issues central to life such as the role of God, man, sin, death, salvation, etc. it is something every person should read for themselves instead of relying on hazy quotes from the university philosophy professor or television evangelist. Man’s decision of what to do with God is one of the most integral he will ever make. Better to make this decision based on a personal encounter rather than off-hand information.
19. Explore your family of origin issues (positive and negative) and pursue growth - so many studies in sociology always end up pointing back to one’s family life growing up as the major factor in their growth and development. No doubt some of us experienced a wonderful family life while others went through something more akin to a nightmare. Either way the 20’s are a key time in understanding any family issues that may be holding you back and taking the necessary steps to find healing. It may require some counseling or may be as simple as calling your parents and telling them how much you love them.
20. Figure out the type of person you want to marry - I happened to get married at the age of 22 to my beautiful wife. This may seem young to many, but it has worked well for us. While I don’t think getting married in your 20’s is for everyone, it is definitely the time of life to start deciding what traits and values you desire in a future spouse. I’m not saying you need a 3 page checklist, but deciding on some of the non-negotiables will allow you to narrow in your focus and keep you from jumping into one poor relationship after another.

So, what have I missed? What should not be on the list and why? Please leave a comment and make your voice heard!

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Several months ago I decided that 2008 would be the year for me to run a marathon, something I’ve wanted to do for a long time, but always put off. Yesterday I ran my first half-marathon, a check point for me to see just where I am in my running journey.

The run went well and I completed the 13.1-mile course in a time of 1:43:38…about a 7:55 pace. I felt pretty pleased with myself until later in the afternoon when I saw the time for the winner who blazed through the course finishing in 1:08:06…35 minutes ahead of me! Now I know that running is supposed to be about competing against yourself and not worrying about other racers, blah blah blah, but the fact is I love competition and reading his time had an effect on me.

At this moment I had two choices:

• Be discouraged and decide I would never be able to run with the “big boys” OR

• Realize that while the process will take time and a lot of hard work, there’s no reason I can’t slowly cut away at this gap and become a great runner in the process.

NOW, this decision is what this post is all about - I don’t believe my choice to use his time as motivation rather than discouragement was an accident or simply a result of me being an optimist. It’s because I’ve had the opportunity to be in “Mr. 1:08’s” shoes before, not in the same sport, but different ones at various times — I’ve experienced winning and in doing so have gained some valuable insight:

The difference between first and second place is incredibly small. Winners know this and losers don’t.

In the 2004 Olympic games the difference between gold and silver in the 100-meter dash was .01 seconds…one one-hundredth of a second! If a couple muscle fibers had twitched a bit slower for champion Justin Gatlin his life from that moment on would have been completely different.

The person coming in second often feels like there is a huge chasm separating them from the winner’s circle. The champion understands that the margin between him and the guy right behind him is incredibly thin and easily gained and lost.

It is this perspective that enables some to excel in nearly everything, while others find nothing, but struggle and defeat. If one believes that the void between their present position and where they want to be is small and ultimately attainable then they will approach each endeavor EXPECTING victory. While this may seem insignificant to some, I believe it is a key trait of champions both in sports and life.

Those who expect to win view trials and tribulations along their journey very lightly, not paying them much attention. But those with no expectation of succeeding view bumps in the road as confirmation that they shouldn’t be on the road in the first place. Self-fulfilling prophecy at its finest.

Life’s battles don’t always go to the stronger or faster man. But sooner or later the man who wins, is the man who thinks he can. - Vince Lombardi

So how does one develop this outlook on life? Here’s a few thoughts:

• Hang Out With Winners - One of the best pieces of advice I’ve ever received is to spend time with the types of people you want to become. By spending time with successful people, not only will you have a chance to find out what makes them tick, but you’ll naturally begin to mimic their actions and attitudes.

• Put Yourself in A Position to Win - Sometimes, no matter how bad you believe you can succeed you’re not going to because you’ve made too many poor choices along the way. Winners understand there is no quick fix or secret solution. Without preparation you can kiss success goodbye. Excellence doesn’t just appear randomly, it is a habit that must be exercised daily.

• You Can’t Win At Everything, Don’t Try - I get really tired of hearing people say that you can do anything if you just believe or confess it enough times. It’s simply not true. My friend Lucas has an incredible ability to create beautiful pieces of pottery. I would love to be a great potter, but I’ve tried and I don’t have the patience or the vision. I could spend my life confessing and believing “I will be a wonderful potter,” but the reality is, it’s not going to happen and it would be a waste of time for me to pursue this goal. Attitude and believing you can succeed are only a part of the equation, they are not the sole element.

• Winning Attitude Does Not Equal Cocky Attitude - Make no mistake, I’m not advocating a swagger or cockiness. It is completely possible to be confident without being a jerk about it. Some of the most successful people I know are also the most humble…remember, the gap between first and second is small…just because you win doesn’t mean no one can touch you.

I sincerely hope this post doesn’t come off as one more self-help, “Secret”, 5 Steps to Victory-type post. My purpose for writing this was simply to show that people can look at a situation and either see an obstacle or they can see nothing and just keep winning. It’s not a secret, it’s just a reality

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When I was young there was a show I watched on Nickelodeon called, “Are You Afraid of the Dark,” a horror-themed kid’s series which basically portrayed various ghost stories and urban legends each week to millions of wide-eyed adolescents like myself. The show was quite a hit because it focused on something that most of us had in common at that age, an unexplainable fear of the dark. Like most, I was constantly consumed by the idea that a whole new evil world existed in my closet as soon as my mom kissed me goodnight and switched off the lights.

Most kids have this fear and eventually grow out of it. Lately, though, I have begun to believe that the average college and 20-something has replaced this fear with an entirely new one, the fear of silence.

How many times have you been alone at home and turned on the television, not to watch anything, but simply for the background noise? When you hop in the car you turn on some music. Going on a run…can’t forget the iPod. I know friends that have to have some sort of noise just to fall asleep at night!

Our lives have slowly become enveloped by a white noise that all of us feel quite naked without. Noise has become for us at age 24 what a night light was at age 5. Don’t believe me? When is the last time you drove to school or work in complete silence? Or spent a day without turning on the t.v. or stereo?

While many brush this fact off as a funny quirk, I contend that this phobia is a destructive one, keeping us from the deeper things of life, the things buried deep down in the soul…the things that only come out in solitude and the heaviest of silence.

In, “Death by Suburb,” author David Goetz explains, “The deeper spiritual life is never a direct route…In the toxic dump of efficiency and control, though, the first act must be countercultural — a decision not to act.” Silence is hard and scary and aggravating because it’s nothing in a world that is constantly seeking something.

Many of the great thinkers and philosophers throughout history have grappled with the effects of silence’s partner solitude. In “Walden,” Henry David Thoreau revealed, “I never found the companion that was so companionable as solitude.”

Someone sitting in a small apartment in New York City is now reading this going, “Walden! Anyone could explore the richness of silence and solitude, ‘along the shores of Walden Pond,’ but I live in a city that never sleeps, among people that never shut up!” True. But maybe exploring the deeper life of silence and solitude is has nothing to do with geography.

Maybe exploring the things of the soul, the things of God and self requires nothing more than stopping. As Goetz puts it,

For spiritual development and entrance into the thicker, more reflective life, solitude is more inside space than it is outside space. Solitude isn’t something to consume, like a summer vacation at Lake Tahoe…It begins incrementally with the practice of becoming still. For a minute, for two minutes, for five minutes–not necessarily in beholding a snowcapped mountain peak, but simply in stopping the pursuit of efficiency…And to stop the scheming inside my head.

As I’ve tried to practice these times of silence and solitude I’ve discovered that often they are not so calming or relaxing as many would have you believe. In fact, sometimes they are miserable, a battle with myself…my mind wandering and me chasing after like a nagging headmaster to reign it back in…then me wondering things like, “If I am chasing my mind, does that mean my mind is chasing itself, like a dog chases it’s tail?” Ridiculous! Silence and stillness often don’t produce grand revelations…only more question marks. But every once and a while…it’s worth it.

Why do I tell you all this? Because being scared of the silence keeps us away from some of the greatest treasures in life. Our soul is an incredible thing, something God placed in man to make him like God. But the soul is mysterious…and can only be thoroughly examined in solitude and silence. Our lives, in many ways will depend on these moments of soul searching. And who would want to miss out by trading these moments for a little more background noise?

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It doesn’t seem right, does it? Celebration should be the one thing in our life that doesn’t require discipline. Discipline is reserved for the hard things like eating healthy, practicing the piano, or sitting through the preliminary rounds of American Idol.

But, in the midst of our busy lives, celebration is often overlooked, forgotten and put off until later, “when things settle down.” Celebration, the very thing we need to stay joyful and balanced, becomes the one thing we never make time for. Our lack of celebration is killing us.

The busier we become and the more responsibilities we take on, the more important it is for us to be intentional about taking the time to celebrate.

This thought occurred to me today as I was reading Mark Buchanan’s book, “Your God is Too Safe.” He describes celebration as the way we bring a small part of heaven down to earth.

“Celebration is the practice of lifting our eyes from our preoccupation with all the work we have to do and the trouble we’re in and the money we owe and the reputation we strive to keep…It’s training ourselves, in the midst of and in spite of all that might be amiss, to see heaven…It’s the discipline of setting joy before us so that we might throw off everything that hinders and run the race marked out for us–that we might endure and not lose heart and not grow weary.”

Celebration is the quickest way to slow down and enjoy your life. A welcome reprieve in the midst of stress and busyness. It seems like an obvious thing, but when is the last time you stopped everything in your life and celebrated?

It’s interesting that in the midst of the Old Testament, often thought of by people as the tales of an angry, taskmaster God only interested in smiting, we find a God that continually demands His people to celebrate.

“‘Celebrate the Feast of Unleavened Bread…Celebrate the Feast of the Harvest…Celebrate the Feast of Weeks…Celebrate the Passover…Celebrate the Feast of Tabernacles…Celebrate.’”

(”Your God is Too Safe,” pg. 242)

God knew that celebration was a key part of healthy and balanced living and made it a mandatory part of life. I think He was onto something back then that we need to be applying to our lives today.

The most bitter people in the world are often the most ungrateful. Celebration focuses our attention on the things in our life we have to be thankful for…it’s one giant dose of gratefulness.

The act of celebrating acts as a scrub brush on our heart, keeping it clean and free from the buildup of life.

Before you begin making excuses to yourself about why you rarely celebrate, realize that celebration comes in many forms and sizes. It doesn’t mean you have to throw a dinner party for 100 people.

The key to practicing the discipline of celebration lies in constantly coming up with excuses to celebrate.

Did your daughter get an “A” on her math test? Take the family out for dinner. Did your friend just get the promotion he desperately wanted? Make them a cake and have them over for dessert. Did your wife have a hard week? Have a “You Made It Through a Hard Week” weekend getaway. You get the idea.

The point is that celebration is a mindset, a heartset. A discipline that requires effort and intentionality, but one that leads the way to your best life.

The last few weeks have been incredibly busy for me. First, I spent 5 days in Florida getting dunked in the ocean for a water survival course, then I was home for a day before hitting the road again in search of a new house in Washington. When I came back from that trip I could not relax because the movers were coming the very next day to pack up our things. In the midst of all the traveling, rush, stress, excitement there was Malone.

I noticed my month-old daughter had grown a lot in the past couple weeks. She was changing quickly. Her hair was longer, she didn’t quite fit into some of her newborn outfits, she seemed much taller and, in a sense, I was missing it…not because I had been away, though that had some to do with it, but because I was becoming consumed with the “busy-ness” of life. This struck me deeply as I held her. I turned off the television, closed my laptop and just looked at her. My daughter was teaching me the art of the pause.

The art of the pause is the ability to completely shut off the world around and concentrate solely on one thing, person or circumstance…not striving, but simply taking it all in. In a world where technology makes it so easy to multi-task, the ability to pause is becoming an even greater necessity. We must all learn the art of the pause if we are to have healthy and meaningful relationships, and lives that are lived for more than just the accumulation of tasks and achievements. The art of the pause is the secret to enjoying everything for which we work so hard, the meeting place of gratefulness and fulfillment.

How then, do we pause?

1) Stop - Shut off the noise, whether that’s the television, computer or cell phone. Just stop. You may be uncomfortable with the silence, but it just means you haven’t paused in a while. Its easy to get caught in the trap of feeling like you always have to be doing something; checking e-mail, watching the news, reading, cleaning, etc. I am guilty of this. The art of the pause is a buffer against this silent life-killer. If you haven’t paused in a while sometimes the best way to stop is to go hiking or camping, away from the crowds, the noise and cell-phone coverage. However you have to do it, just stop.

2) Focus - If you’re with someone focus on them. Listen to them, make eye contact and don’t formulate a response in your head as they’re talking. If you’re all alone, focus on your present circumstances and what you have to be thankful for. By focusing you allow yourself a chance to assess your present position in life, giving you increased situational awareness. For me, this was simply staring down at my wonderful daughter and looking at her eyes, her hair, her feet, just soaking in the awesomeness of such a creation.

3) Enjoy - The most bitter people in the world are the most ungrateful. Everyone has something to be thankful for whether it is good health, supportive family, a great job, or a loving God. By focusing on the good things in your life you gain perspective and the focus normally goes away from whatever is stressing you out to the things you enjoy the most. The ability to enjoy life is directly related to your ability to be thankful.

Life is a vapor. If we don’t pay attention we can fly by some of the most significant moments without blinking an eye. My newborn daughter taught me the art of the pause, a practice that will cost you very little in the long run, but gain you a life lived to the hilt.

When it comes to New Year’s resolutions, most people I talk to roll their eyes and sigh, thinking of the futility of the whole exercise after years and years of failure. The spirit behind a New Year’s resolution is a noble one, an attempt to live a better life or do things differently. The problem is most of us just don’t approach it with much intentionality, instead making up an unattainable goal in the heat of battle, like losing 50lbs after stepping on the scale the day after Christmas. Last year about this time, my sage father-in-law showed me an incredibly simple, but effective way of making a list of goals, or resolutions, for the year and actually following through on them. This is the process:

Understand Balance - I am convinced that 99% of people’s disappointments and failures in life are simply due to imbalance in a certain area(s). Eating too much, exercising too little, not praying enough, too much time at the office, too much television, etc. The point is, there’s a happy medium in every area of our lives; a place of balance where we find our best life. All New Year’s goals should be made with the theme of balance in our minds.

Take Stock of Your Present State - Before you can decide what you want to strive for in the future you have to have a good understanding of where you are in the present. Take a pen and piece of paper and sketch out a diagram similar to the one below.

The point is to look at each area of your life, ie. family, work, spirit, body, finances, etc and take stock of where you are at this moment in time. Decide what areas are important to you and create spokes for each one. Next make tick marks on each spoke, labeling them 1-10; 1 meaning you’re failing miserably in that area and 10 meaning you are perfect, no changes necessary. Make a dot where you think you fall in each area, then connect the dots. You will probably notice immediately that the shape you’ve created has very little resemblance to a circle, which would represent perfect balance. Most likely you have some areas that you’re doing great at and others that you’re struggling. The point of this diagram is to show visually what needs to change in order to make a circle, or bring balance to your life. This diagram is the basis for creating your New Year’s goals.

Make Goals for Each Category - Now its time to actually come up with your goals. Remember, the desired end state of this whole process is a balanced life, so all individual goals should be made with this in mind. In other words, if you notice that you have a very high score for work, but a miserable one for family/marriage, make goals that will allow you more time at home and less at the office. In order to create good goals, use the SMART acronym: Specific, Measurable, Attainable, Relevant, Timebound. For a better explanation on creating SMART goals reference my previous post on the subject. Again, make goals that will create a circle on your diagram, which will mean putting different levels of effort and focus on each area.

Exchange Your Goals With a Close Friend - Accountability is crucial in achieving any goal in life. Find a close friend and have them go through this exercise with you, then exchange your goals and bring them up on a consistent basis throughout the year. I emphasize close friend for two reasons. First, it is likely that some of your goals will contain personal information, like investing goals, or family issues, so its important to have someone you trust. Second, only a close friend will really get on your case if you falling short in a certain area. We all need a good friend to confront us every once and a while if we really intend to make lasting change in our lives. With accountability your chances of succeeding in achieving your goals and keeping your resolutions increase dramatically.